Sayen CroWolf's Blog

Twice in a Lifetime 2010/02/09

Today was just one of those days…

As I am responsible to work on Saturday and especially Sunday (due to the paper’s content in the weekend edition), today was an off day for me.  No work for the job that pays, and a little work for my passion.  The rest of the day I spent catching up with Simon.  I caught a boatload of hell on earth for not telling Simon about the surgery I had while he was away, and he filled me in on the last three weeks of his life in Haiti.  True confessions aside, we had an early breakfast, worked out, hung out, and really had some quality time together.

This afternoon, I had two friends coming over.  As I won’t be in London too much longer, how about I perform at the sober club we hang out at?  One last set, my big-ass swan song before I go wheels up.  They never can get anybody in there to play on a Monday, I can say a goodbye to the place that’s been so good to Simon and I.  Sure:  I’m in.

I picked two songs we had performed before: “Jezebel” by Sade and “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas.  Two of my favorites, and I don’t care how much I just dated myself in admitting that I like Kansas.  That song means more to me than you’ll probably ever know.  So, for us there were no new arrangements to sweat and we all knew how each other performed in them.  It usually is a well-oiled machine.  The first song went fine, but “Dust..” tanked in rehearsing.  Miserably.  Over and over and over I could not get my shit together.  Worse is that I’ve done this song 100 times.  I couldn’t have fucked up worse if I made a concerted effort to do so.  I couldn’t stay in key, completed hosed the violin segment of the song – you name it.  My friends were understanding and patient and the more I fucked things up the more frustrated I became.  Eventually, after a lot of swearing and temper tantrums I got my act together.  Our set at the club tonight went off without a hitch.

Simon is out cold on the couch, and I have taken my position as his footstool.  I don’t mind, so don’t misinterpret that.  This quiet time (and a phone call I received from a good friend) puts things in perspective for me.  For the second time in my life, I have a wonderful man that loves me. I have my health, when every logical source you could ever listen to expected me to be dead.  I’m going through some radical changes very soon, new job, new house, living with the man I love and there’s probably 100 people who would kill for one tenth of that.  Simon is a wide-eyed kid on a new adventure.  No complaints, no hesitations.  He can’t wait to see what’s around every corner.

With all that in perspective, I didn’t have such a bad day after all.